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questions from strangers,
family, and friends

We struggle to answer those sometimes rather unusual and often private questions from strangers, family and friends.  Below we share some ways that parents of children with hemiplegia have handled these questions.

People stare because there is something different and talk about things that they don't understand. I like the idea of giving the other kids in the class a "good long look" and even get to try on the AFOs and other devices that outwardly make the child look different. This will make it easier for the kids in the class to ask questions politely.

If your child can, you might consider letting her do the presentation on her level, since that is probably the same level as the other kids. As a part of the presentation, have your child put something (or two) in that makes her the SAME as the other kids, like "I like to bake cookies with my mom" or "I learned to swim this summer" to show the other kids that they are all different.

If you can meet with the teacher, why not ask her to get all the students in the class to briefly talk about what makes them the same and what makes them different? (like show and tell) This would also foster conversation and make the members of the class recognize that they, too, have differences. This way, too, your child wouldn't be singled out.

Brainstorm with your child all of the things that are cool about hemiplegia-like some great adaptation that would take the other kids two hands that only uses one for them. Remember that your child has most likely developed some pretty amazing talents through all of this. -- Jeanne, OT and MT 

Those Helpful In-Laws

I did not find a way to tell my mom-in-law to back off without being rude. I tried for 2 yrs. I was at the end of my rope with her. I could be polite no more. She was always giving advice, showing up at doctor's appointments for my son and asking so many questions that the doctors finally started making her wait in the waiting room (thank goodness!!).

It was so frustrating. I felt like she thought I was not capable of taking care of my son. I finally told her that "I understood she had raised several children. I understood she just wanted to help. I understood her heart was in the right place. But she had crossed the line of concern and jumped right on over into annoying. And she now had two choices. She could take a backseat where my children were concerned and only give advice when it was asked for or she would be put on a need-to-know basis only. And I felt she didn't need to know much.

After our conversation I didn't hear from her for a week (and boy it was WONDERFUL) and then she called nice and cheerful like nothing had happened. She told me that she was sorry and would keep her mouth shut and butt out until further notice. I still have to remind her every now and then, but it is wonderful to go and visit without getting a headache!!!  -- Anonymous 

More on In-Laws

I appreciate that my mother-in-law loves and is concerned for my daughter, and it is important to me that my daughter have loving relationships with her grandparents, and my husband and I work hard on this.

My husband and I are concentrating on our daughter, not just the hemiplegia, but her overall well being and growth as a wonderful human being. We do not feel that the negative energy my mother-in-law generates on this topic is necessary, or even healthy, so we have asked her to try to let go of the issue. For example, we invited her last night to come watch my daughter's waterbabies class at the Y. She had to be reminded by my husband that she was there simply as a grandmother watching her granddaughter enjoy "swimming." Yes, there is therapeutic value in the class (which is why we signed up), but waterbabies is also for fun and to learn to appreciate the water. Once that reminder sank in, everyone had a great time, which was the whole purpose of the invitation.

Yes, my daughter has hemiplegia, and that may well prove to be somewhat limiting to her in the future, but first and foremost, as I have seen posted on this list many times, she is a gift with which we have all been truly blessed. Who is to say what will and will not be accomplished by her, or any of our kids, in the future? I consider my daughter's potential to be every bit as great as any other child's, and I refuse to let anyone try to put limits on her for any reason. -- Anonymous

 From a Child's View

I just wanted to share briefly about my son Joel, who is going to be a BIG BOY soon (age 6 years).  Prior to his leg surgery he would walk on his toes on his left leg. When we went to the playground or park some other kid would usually ask about his way of walking...and he would calmly reply..."oh that's cuz I've got cerbal palsy and epilepsy....otherwise I am pretty normal.  It just makes my leg walk funny" !!! What a kid. -- Tana

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The information contained in this Children's Hemiplegia and Stroke Association (CHASA) Web site is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment, and CHASA recommends consultation with your doctor or health care professional.